I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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