she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
