maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
