It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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