That's when you crack a 10am beer
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
