He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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