I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
