I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
