My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
