I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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