would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
