im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
