just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
