He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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