Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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