I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
