the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
