Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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