Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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