I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
