Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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