Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
