I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
