winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
