Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
