my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
