I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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