Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
