Can i not drive my cunt home
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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