Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
50% drunk capacity currently
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
