omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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