Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
