I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
