He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
