I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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