I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
