I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
