Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
