i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
