So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
