a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
