I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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