He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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