Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
