my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
