Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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