You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the liver wants what the liver wants
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
