Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
