I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
