***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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