...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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