also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
