I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
